secrets feel like… April 25, 2008

I’m working on a short story with a character who is dealing with the emotional pain of keeping secrets, her own and those told to her in confidence. I was really trying to capture the anguish while maintaing a sense of silence, and this is what I finally went with: 

“Madeline tried to look blankly into his eyes. She clenched her lips together and drew them in tight, until the pink pout seemed to disappear from her porcelain face. The secrets inside her felt like a swarm of bees trapped in her mouth. Stingers pricked her cheeks, but she couldn’t part her lips in fear that they would escape, stinging him. Her tongue began to swell, she always knew she was allergic to secrets.”

 

How would you describe what it feels like to keep secrets?

and sometimes y March 21, 2008

Y is a wonderful letter that casually associates with vowels and hangs out at the end of the alphabet soaking up all the previous letters without the pressure of being the final one…..anyway-I digress. About two weeks ago, I was starting off my morning with some free writing and had difficulty locating the Y key on my keyboard. As my brain began to wake up and direct my finger to the Y key, I started to think about why this lapse occurred, but seconds later my phone rang and the standout Y assumed its place with the rest of the letters.

Hours later I was chatting with a friend on my cell while struggling to plug the charger in, and as a result I dropped my phone on my keyboard. After explaining the incident to my confused friend, I noticed that my Y key had popped off (my first keyboard damage ever). I attempted to do DIY keyboard surgery but failed and passed the task on to a professional at a computer store who quickly attached my Y back to its lettered family.

Although this may seem like an insignificant experience to anyone else, I found it rather interesting. I had two unique encounters with the Y key in one day, and I asked myself why Y? or simply stated, Y? Was my keyboard telling me to ask more questions, question things more? If so it succeeded. Maybe it was lonely and wanted some attention. The Y key should be happy to know that after that fateful day it sits a little higher than the rest of my keys after its reattachment. Crazy how one simple letter can spur an entire blog post!

taste history March 4, 2008

This past month I decided to create a cookbook filled with my grandmother’s recipes, which would be a birthday gift for my mother. I started by searching for few pictures of my grandmother, one of which would become the cover photo above (my grandmother is the woman in the middle). I then began scrambling around my mother’s kitchen on an edible treasure hunt for scraps of paper with my grandmother’s recipes. After enduring a few paper cuts while paging through cookbooks for hidden recipe cards, I came across the long lost prized possession, my grandmother’s green Betty Crocker recipe box (hidden behind stacks of books). The avocado green plastic suddenly resembled a treasure chest filled with culinary treasure maps, her recipes. I quickly swiped the box, and upon returning home I carefully opened it and was overwhelmed by the scraps of notebook paper, old calendar pages, and note cards filled with delectable concoctions.

 

While compiling her handwritten recipes, I discovered a true sense of her passion for food and family. I can imagine her feverishly writing a recipe on a scrap of paper, and quickly placing it inside her green Betty Crocker recipe card library. Now the recipe box is filled to the brim, and upon opening it you feel as though you are unlocking a secret to happiness, to her spirit, to her love.

 

After typing and organizing around 60 recipes, scanning in photos of family at the table and writing a brief introduction, I was ready to press print. When the book arrived, I was delighted to hold culinary history in my hands. I felt as if I had printed and preserved a bit of her spirit that would hopefully have a better chance of being passed on for years to come.

 

(Quick shout out to blurb.com. I was easily able to create and print this book with the help of their fabulous application and services. I’ve already been inspired to start creating another book-more on that later)

Bits of Change: Give a penny, Take a penny February 27, 2008

A couple of weeks ago I was paying for my lunch at a diner and noticed a “Give a penny, Take a penny” dish next to the cash register. Upon receiving my change I dropped a penny in the dish. Now unlike other change deposits, this isn’t a wishing well or a piggy bank-it’s a dish full of pennies to share with one another. I think it’s wonderful that we’re willing to give something to a complete stranger. I understand that it’s only a penny, but it’s still something and the charitable act has lasted for years.

Usually I subconsciously drop a penny or two in the tray, but this time I really started to notice the dishes that were sometimes trays or cups and made of wood, plastic or metal. While paying close attention to the physical penny deposits, I did notice that the there seemed to be a penny shortage (only a few lonely Lincolns were wading in the bottom on the dish). Maybe it was because I was younger and not as observant, but I thought I recalled an overflow of copper. Regardless, it’s still great to see a nice gesture in physical form out in the world. I just hope there are more givers than takers.

I often feel guilty taking a penny (thanks to Quaker school), and what usually happens is that the cashier hands me the penny to use or just takes it for me. Now the next time I have pennies in a transaction, I always try to leave one or two-literally paying it forward for myself and anyone else a penny short from an ice cream cone. On that note, do you ever wonder what your penny is going towards? Hopefully not lottery tickets or cigarettes. Come to think of it, there should be two separate penny trays: “Give a penny, Take a penny for cigarettes and lottery tickets” and another one for everything else.

Here’s to the penny givers. Thanks for helping me out when I came up short. The coffee was delicious, the ice cream was to die for, etc. etc. etc.

I owe you….a penny.

a few of my favorite things… February 12, 2008

Whenever life gets stressful I just close my eyes and think of simple things that bring a smile to my face. Now I don’t break into song as if I was making a guest appearance in The Sound of Music (maybe sometimes-but only in my apartment). Anyway, it may seem silly-but I think that it’s truly wonderful that memories can instantly take us to a place of calm.

Some of my favorites:

walking through a rain shower of flower petals from a towering tree

the smell of fresh lavender

listening to water stream underground in a gutter after a strong rain

holding hands with someone on a cold day

picking a fig from its tree and eating it immediately

It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed, disappointed and frustrated-but it can be just as easy to slip away for a second, close your eyes and breathe. I keep these memories on hold and when I need a burst of energy I press play. I imagine each one as a slide in a projector in the back of my brain-just waiting there for me to flick the switch.

The renter. February 4, 2008

“I need to buy land. I want to own a piece of the United States. I want a home.”

Those were the words from a nearby table that gravitated to my ear as I was sitting in a café. The phrases instantly struck my mind, cutting off circulation to all other thoughts at that moment. It made me think about the concept of owning land vs. renting.

As a renter I often think about the concept of “home” and how we create it. I’ve explored this idea in songs and essays, but never in a poem–until now. This poem is in its earliest stage-but I wanted to share it anyway. Who knows, my edits and lengthening may ruin it, so I might as well share it while it’s raw.

 

Transient

 

I am the eternal wandering soul

renting the concept of home

and sending the custody check for my floors

to the landlord

 

I paint the walls with black and white

pictures of my life

temporary tattoos that I constantly reapply

but I tell everyone they’re real

and they don’t believe me

 

Underneath these pictures

behind the couch

are scars from other wanderers

Who left their “home”

like they would leave their lover

vulnerable

empty

until someone else comes along

to fill the space

and cover the walls

until it gets cold again

too cold to stay

 

I carry letters

with different street names

and numbers

where I used to sit

and have notes sent to

but I’m gone

before the ink can dry

in anyone’s address book

 

The land of the free

where I am free of land

Painting imaginary walls of home

that I wipe clean with boxes

and moving tape

 

Maybe one day in spring

I’ll find a room with a chair

to sit in

and the branches

will push through the windows

and wrap their new sprouts

around each finger

resting buds on my wrist

and when they blossom

I’ll decide to stay

and watch it change to winter

 

stay for a while

maybe then

maybe.

 

lend a little. change a lot. January 31, 2008

Last week I visited the Philadelphia Free Library-Central Branch to hear an amazing person speak-Dr. Muhammad Yunus.

Brief info about Dr. Yunus:
“One of the ”Greatest Entrepreneurs of All Time” (BusinessWeek), economist Muhammad Yunus received the 2006 Nobel Peace Prize with Grameen Bank, which he founded to provide microloans to poor entrepreneurs otherwise unable to qualify for traditional bank loans. Contrary to the assertions of skeptical critics, 98% of these microloans are repaid, higher than any other banking system, and similar projects now operate in much of the world, including the United States.”

I had read articles about the work of Dr. Yunus and was truly amazed and excited to actually hear what he had to say in person. After arriving almost an hour early for the lecture, I headed downstairs to the auditorium and claimed a seat three rows from the stage. Slowly the room began to fill up and everyone was buzzing.

When Dr. Yunus finally made his way onto the stage he was greeted with a hearty anticipatory applause that would be well deserved. He spoke about how he started Grameen Bank and the journey he took to get it where it is. He made simple statements that were so powerful and inspirational, that they seemed to be hitting everyone in the soul.

His initial desire to help others came about when he saw poverty around him and felt “useless as a human being”, which pushed him to lend money to help others change their lives. This concept of “lending” is so important. If we lend time and money we are essentially investing in a better future.

Yunus also proposed that we have Social MBAs to teach prospective business owners how lead businesses that are socially conscious. He also spoke of a social stock market, where we would invest in companies that we knew were doing something good for the world. It’s about having “social business dollars [that] have an endless life and can recycle.” As he neared the end of his lecture, he asked us to imagine the day that we would need a poverty museum to show the horrors and injustices that we evolved from. Think about that for a second.

I left feeling enlightened and invigorated. During my walk home I started thinking about how important it is to transform the world from the inside out. It all comes down to our souls, hearts and our genuine care for the people in our world. We need to stop worrying about the exterior–the landscapes, the plastic surgery, and the clothes–and start looking inward. Dr. Yunus has created a bank that will change the world-he has done the hard work-now all we need to do is invest in mankind.

I could write pages about my experience-but instead I’ll just recommend that you listen the mp3 of his lecture. Huge thanks to the Free Library for the mp3 and for bringing life changing speakers like Dr. Yunus to Philadelphia!

where books live January 28, 2008

I have a very sad confession to make: The last time I was in a library was back in college (almost three years ago this June). Since graduating and moving into Philadelphia Barnes & Noble and Borders have become my city libraries (gasp!).

Anyway, last week I made my way over to the Central Library for an amazing lecture (more on that in another post).

As I neared the historic stone building I was overwhelmed by it’s beauty and mass. I stepped inside and felt a sudden excitement from being surrounded by information. I had time to explore before the lecture and found myself climbing stairs to the art section, climbing back down to see photo exhibit, then back up again for literature, and back down again for music. I probably looked overly caffeinated to those around me, as I buzzed about with a smile frozen on my face. 

I couldn’t believe that for almost three years I was using chain bookstores as a substitute. Grabbing a book about Jazz from the shelf, I was delighted to see a gorgeous green leather cover aged with use, which was a nice contrast to the “25% off” sticker that covers many books at Borders, etc. I walked in several rooms delighted that I wasn’t being confronted with a table telling me what the best sellers were or a large aisle of bargain books. My mind switched from consumer to reader. It was fabulous.

I was so absorbed with exploring, that I almost missed the lecture. Unfortunately I had to leave shortly after the lecture, but left revitalized and excited to return very soon!

Did I say that? January 21, 2008

The other day I became very aware of a horrific issue I was having with the English language while speaking to a friend on the phone.  The problem was that while speaking I heard myself say “um”  “you know” and “like” in excess.  I was almost stunned listening to myself use words that I only heard overused in teen “drama” TV shows. The more I consciously tried to stop and speak in full sentences, the more I kept using those “words”.  It was the weirdest sensation–feeling uncomfortable with the meaningless “words” that were taking control of my sentencnes-tangling my tongue. As the conversation ended I was somewhat relieved and vowed to be silent until the next day, hoping that it was a 24hour verbal virus. For the rest of the night I devoured several short stories and newspaper articles-hoping to perform a literary transplant in my word bank. Luckily the night ended on a good note, since I came across a fabulous short story: “Beginners” by Raymond Carver . If you are ever in need of a good dose of reading-this is great literary medicine. Enjoy!

history in your hands January 19, 2008

Yesterday I purchased a vintage teal blue hinge wallet from Vintage Connection (a fabulous vintage store on the corner of 9th and Bainbridge). Seconds before seeing the wallet, I held a soft, yellow, leather clutch in my hand but had suddenly been drawn to the teal leather that strongly contrasted the dark deep wood table it rested on. I quickly placed the clutch back and purchased the wallet.

Later that evening I transferred all the contents from my old wallet into the new one. I sorted through business cards, old receipts, folded fortunes from my favorite Chinese restaurant, etc.

You really do carry a lot of personality in your wallet.

As I placed my license under the clear plastic (the final step of wallet transfer), I wondered who the last owner of the wallet was? And what pictures, business cards, scraps of paper it held? That’s the beauty of vintage pieces-each one has a history-a previous owner-and true character. Since I am new to the vintage world, I am very excited to continue to collect bits of history and character with each purchase.

finding my place January 17, 2008

Last night I finally took down the Christmas tree that has been sitting in my living room undressed for the past two weeks. I have to admit, it was nice having a large bit of nature in my apartment and also something to fill the empty corner. So as I stared at the empty spot while sitting on my couch in a leg numbing Indian style position, I realized that it might be nice to have a desk in that corner. The center cushion on the couch and the kitchen table (that is oh so close to the fridge of goodies) are not really suitable spots to be productive.

I started visualizing the desk (the permanent home for my transient laptop) and the decorator in me started to surface. While looking at some home décor blogs, I found some really nice styles and décor options-vases with pretty flowers on top of stacked books next to the laptop followed by a gorgeous table lamp. I realized it wasn’t just about being productive and sitting at an actual desk-but having my own space to associate with writing. It’s so hard for me to focus on the couch that I normally lounge on while watching food network programs (not productive-but appetizing) or even sitting at my kitchen table (not productive-because I think of meals I prepare and eat). Hmm I guess food really is the underlying problem here-but that’s another blog post.

I’m really looking forward to searching for a corner desk over the next couple weeks and creating a new space where my writing can live.

read and go January 16, 2008

Some people find themselves in unexpected yet highly excitable moments when watching their underdog team win a game, when they find a dollar on the street, or run into a long lost friend. I feel that sudden rush of joy when I come across a passage in an article or story that stops me and really makes me think. I’m talking about the few sentences that you read over and over and call to share with a friend (maybe that’s just me).

So today I was lucky enough to experience one of those moments while reading an article in The New Yorker that made reference to the fact that as a society we are not reading as much as we used to:

“Perhaps readers venture so readily outside because what they experience in solitude gives them confidence. Perhaps reading is a prototype of independence. No matter how much one worships an author, Proust wrote ‘all he can do is give us desires.’ Reading somehow gives us the boldness to act on them. Such a habit might be quite dangerous for a democracy to lose.”

I can’t pinpoint every detail or idea that this passage provoked-however-my first thought was praise the reader. In many films and stories, the girl with the book sitting under the tree is the outcast, the loner, the inactive page scanner — when, in fact, she is the one shaping our world. We need to look at reading as an “activity,” not a passive “pastime”. Maybe if as a society we get back to thinking of reading as an active adventure, then this decline in reading will experience a new jolt of energy. Some of you may already think this way — cheers to you. Here’s to the readers — who sit for a couple of hours and take in the words of others but then go change the world.

write it in ink. January 8, 2008

Every new year I mentally make a list of a few things that I’d like to accomplish over the next 12 months-and then my mind seems to store it in the part of my brain where all of my math skills are (I use a calculator a lot). This year I will not only be writing the list in my notebook, but also posting it here. Maybe if a friend comes across this post he or she will remind me of my pact with myself-push me a little and get me going. Sure-some of the goals are rather lofty and others are truly random-but I want to move beyond “getting in shape.” So here is goes:

In 2008 I would like to:

• publish poems
• learn Italian
• sing the national anthem in some major sporting arena (I have been lucky enough to sing in the Rivershark’s stadium-minor league baseball-but this year I want to challenge myself).
• donate my time to the community
• redecorate my apartment
• collect a lot of beautiful antique tea cups
• read more books
• buy lots of plants and keep them alive

I’m sure I’ll add to this list over the year-but this is a start.

new year. new mindset. January 7, 2008

I realize that I truly slacked off with my blog over the past couple of months. Maybe it was the pressure of finding clients as a freelance writer or maybe it was just anxiety about writing a post that was meaningful and incredibly thoughtful–BUT–no more excuses now. It’s a new year and I’m really looking forward to starting fresh and writing as often as possible about whatever is on my mind (which for those of you who know me well-could be anything and everything). So I’m raising my cup of tea and toasting my new year of blogging. cheers.

green fades to brown… September 17, 2007

So it’s officially fall. I put on the sweater, drank my inaugural cup of apple cider and kept the windows open and welcomed the crisp air. I watched everyone cover up under layers, and the few summer stragglers in shorts and tank tops holding onto summer as they walked briskly–maybe to break a sweat to fight off the goose bumps.

It’s fall.

In one day:
I embraced the down comforter that I was cursing only days earlier for smothering my feet. I no longer look at my t-shirts with affection-since long sleeve sweaters are my new crushes. And orange and browns slowly begin to catch my eye– as green fades off storing up vibrant shades for the next year.

How quickly things can change in a day. New weather can change so much of my life. New clothes, new smells, new sights. Old memories of fall fade back into my mind, mixing with newly created ones in one big leafy stew.

No longer am I searching for smells of citrus and melon—and instead I seek out pumpkin and spices.

And in an instant I’ve clicked my viewfinder vision from summer to fall.

Click.

Welcome Fall.

the playgrounds are empty…. September 12, 2007

As I have been walking more often, I am much more aware of my surroundings. I don’t mean to sound sappy or creepy, but I really look forward to watching children play. There’s just something about their laughter and imaginative play that make me smile and (selfishly) gives me creative energy and thought. But the more I walk and look I ask myself, where are the children? The playgrounds are half empty and the streets and backyards are not as full of running and laughing as I remember. I assume they are inside playing some video games and hope that they don’t get too wrapped up to play outdoors in the real world.
Out of curiosity I checked the local Toys “R” Us circular and I was and still am disturbed. I thought I was reading a circular for Circuit City. Now as much as I agree that children should be exposed to technology and learn about everything in their world, I felt as if they were being robbed of something. I think the “toy” that upset me the most was the Home Theater System. I’m glad that children listen to music and explore technology, but there is something so adult about it. It made me wonder if we are not allowing our children to be children.

I can hear it now: “Jimmy come play tag outside with me.”

“I can’t I’m rewiring my home theater system.”

Maybe I am overreacting, however, when the majority of a toy store circular is dedicated solely to activities that do not promote outdoor play, it definitely worries me. Not to mention the rising number of obese children who need to be more physically active. I guess I would like to see more of a balance. Hopefully they wont get wrapped up in their home theater system to not experience the joys of being a child.

Brought to you by the letter….. September 9, 2007

As I was listening to my friend place a takeout order over the phone, I paid careful attention to her words as she spelled out her address, clarifying each letter with a “recognizable” word:
53rd and front
apartment 1d
d as in dog

then came the name on her credit card:
sara, yes s, s as in sam
n as in nancy
et… etc….

She did it with such ease and grace… and it made me wonder about the words that come to mind when trying to get the person on the other end of the phone to understand you.

I find it fascinating to hear what words people choose to clarify letters in names and places. What deems a word common enough to be used? Does is have to be a name or could it be a place?

I am very tempted to use a foreign word over the phone one day, just to test cultural knowledge “m as in mariposa” (Spanish for butterfly).

Or maybe I’ll say “s as in supercalifragilis” just to keep them on their toes and have a little fun.

I might even start keeping track of all the words that people use and ask them why they a certain word…and maybe draw some conclusions (the eternal thinker and researcher in me) or at least just to start a conversation.

Pay attention the next time you (or a friend) clarify a letter with a word….it’s interesting

share well with strangers… August 14, 2007

I’m the kind of person who smiles at strangers and starts up conversations with them. I like people who hold doors, smile back, and make friendly conversation. But, there’s not enough of that. There’s not enough of community love. I’m not saying that we should all hold hands and sing Kumbaya–but just be warm, decent, helpful humans to one another. So when I first heard about Dutch Umbrella I was pleasantly surprised to say the least.

If you haven’t heard about Dutch Umbrella (new to Philadelphia)…then please check it out. It’s worth the look.
Here’s a brief overview:

Dutch Umbrella (duch um-brel’e)

1. A system for the free public use of umbrellas comprised of pick-up and drop-off locations within a defined urban area.

2. A community supported effort to encourage citywide sharing, enabling the convenience of any-time umbrellas.

Local stores, restaurants, and other businesses in Philadelphia can sign up to be a Dutch umbrella location. What do they get out of it other than good karma and PR? They get mobile advertising—by having their logo printed on umbrellas.

I’m all for the logos on the umbrellas because it’s putting advertising to good use. It’s supporting community togetherness and doing what advertising should do, build their brand through positive acts.

So the next time it rains, I might actually be smiling under my Dutch Umbrella, waiting to pass it along to the next person ducking for cover.

diet apple…really? August 10, 2007

I love apple. I love their products, software, commercials and even their stores. I thought I loved everything about them…until I saw this ad online. I was shocked when I read the line “You can’t be too thin” to promote the new iMac.

In this day and age–with women’s body images constantly in the spotlight, having a highly respected company say, “you can’t be too thin” is a bad move. This company has an intelligent and witty voice that has just been tainted by this line. They didn’t need to go there.

I understand–they’re making a pun about the computer. However, apple is an influential company that is too progressive to say something like that. I would expect that from a PC (ok I needed some levity within my rant).

I guess I may seem to be overreacting since I am so close to writing–specifically for advertising. I guess I just expected them not to go there. And maybe it’s the fact that they said “you can’t be to thin,” creating an unattainable goal.

Now I’m not going to convert to PC–I still love my Mac—I was just surprised. I expect more of you apple. Just don’t send another bruised headline my way (okay I needed another pun).

what college doens’t look like… August 4, 2007

It’s that time of year again…when home stores try to sell college kids unnecessary crap for their tiny dorm rooms. I know first hand what it’s like to walk into a big store and feel a strange urge to buy a desk lamp with a pencil holder and sharpener built-in, how about an extra closet (sure there’s room), maybe an illegal lava lamp to start a fire, a futon (for where? The ceiling?), maybe an iron with a steamer built in, how about a fancy vacuum (because the room is that big), maybe a massaging desk chair, a robot, maybe they’ve started to sell assistants, and dorm room maids..etc…etc…

And to top it all off, they show you sample dorm rooms with all of their stuff in it-extra large, oversized, unrealistic dorm rooms. Now, I understand they are trying to sell enough stuff to fill an entire dorm, let alone a room…fine—try to sell it all….but…..no need to show photos on the site and in the store of unrealistic sized dorms with cathedral windows and shiny, happy, singing people with guitars.

Maybe I’m angry at materialism…or maybe it’s my disappointment when people set up false expectations. Or maybe it’s my fear of seeing the annual Staples back to school commercial with the dad dancing around the store with a shopping cart (dagger to my heart when I was a kid eating a popsicle stick in front of the TV).

Breathe in…I’m done with my rant….

But in order to add something positive to this post…how about a helpful link to know what you really need: http://collegeuniversity.suite101.com/article.cfm/college_dorm_room_necessities