Just call me… May 22, 2008

Following a marathon email session, I realized that my email signature varied throughout and was ridden with several nicknames. I won’t go into the details of each nickname (for the sake of my own embarrassment and to spare you the boredom), but the lengthy list includes variations and abbreviations of my actual name (lex, lexi, elx) in addition to endearing/created names (songbird, etc) that have been assigned to me over the years.

As the names float above me in a cloud of self definition, I wonder how I do not have multiple personalities linked to these various names. However, I don’t feel overwhelmed or misdefined, but rather proud of the many selfs that I wear like a wordy Scarlett Letter t-shirt. 

The concept of the nickname is one that intrigues me greatly. Some of us walk around being referred to by our last name, our middle name, an abbreviation of a lengthy name our parents’ gave us without the thought of the obvious nickname path, names that are earned from embarrassing stories, etc. 

Nicknames are also endearing terms that are created and shared between people that are close and spend enough time together to occasionally veer from the legal name. At the same time, fabricated names can also have negative connotations, and are often voiced during the painful middle school years.

Overall, the nickname genre that fascinates me the most is the single letter name. On occasion, I come across a friend who has heavily abbreviated his or her name to a single letter: Madeline to M and Jack to J. I happen to enjoy the single letter nickname, as it alludes to a rockstar quality and a certain confidence that comes from knowing that you will be recognized by just one letter (maybe the tags in their clothes were heavily monogrammed as a child. oh moms’ and their permanent markers).

Even though I enjoy the one letter nickname, I am not sure if I could or would want to sign off as “A”. There is a lot of pressure to leave the first letter of the alphabet as your signature, not to mention the fact that I have never been fond of the angularity of the uppercase “A” (I often sign my full name with a lowercase a, as it’s more visually appealing). 

I seem to have ignored the concept of a short nickname with this lengthy post, and will now bring it to a close. What are your thoughts on nicknames?

secrets feel like… April 25, 2008

I’m working on a short story with a character who is dealing with the emotional pain of keeping secrets, her own and those told to her in confidence. I was really trying to capture the anguish while maintaing a sense of silence, and this is what I finally went with: 

“Madeline tried to look blankly into his eyes. She clenched her lips together and drew them in tight, until the pink pout seemed to disappear from her porcelain face. The secrets inside her felt like a swarm of bees trapped in her mouth. Stingers pricked her cheeks, but she couldn’t part her lips in fear that they would escape, stinging him. Her tongue began to swell, she always knew she was allergic to secrets.”

 

How would you describe what it feels like to keep secrets?

The renter. February 4, 2008

“I need to buy land. I want to own a piece of the United States. I want a home.”

Those were the words from a nearby table that gravitated to my ear as I was sitting in a café. The phrases instantly struck my mind, cutting off circulation to all other thoughts at that moment. It made me think about the concept of owning land vs. renting.

As a renter I often think about the concept of “home” and how we create it. I’ve explored this idea in songs and essays, but never in a poem–until now. This poem is in its earliest stage-but I wanted to share it anyway. Who knows, my edits and lengthening may ruin it, so I might as well share it while it’s raw.

 

Transient

 

I am the eternal wandering soul

renting the concept of home

and sending the custody check for my floors

to the landlord

 

I paint the walls with black and white

pictures of my life

temporary tattoos that I constantly reapply

but I tell everyone they’re real

and they don’t believe me

 

Underneath these pictures

behind the couch

are scars from other wanderers

Who left their “home”

like they would leave their lover

vulnerable

empty

until someone else comes along

to fill the space

and cover the walls

until it gets cold again

too cold to stay

 

I carry letters

with different street names

and numbers

where I used to sit

and have notes sent to

but I’m gone

before the ink can dry

in anyone’s address book

 

The land of the free

where I am free of land

Painting imaginary walls of home

that I wipe clean with boxes

and moving tape

 

Maybe one day in spring

I’ll find a room with a chair

to sit in

and the branches

will push through the windows

and wrap their new sprouts

around each finger

resting buds on my wrist

and when they blossom

I’ll decide to stay

and watch it change to winter

 

stay for a while

maybe then

maybe.

 

Did I say that? January 21, 2008

The other day I became very aware of a horrific issue I was having with the English language while speaking to a friend on the phone.  The problem was that while speaking I heard myself say “um”  “you know” and “like” in excess.  I was almost stunned listening to myself use words that I only heard overused in teen “drama” TV shows. The more I consciously tried to stop and speak in full sentences, the more I kept using those “words”.  It was the weirdest sensation–feeling uncomfortable with the meaningless “words” that were taking control of my sentencnes-tangling my tongue. As the conversation ended I was somewhat relieved and vowed to be silent until the next day, hoping that it was a 24hour verbal virus. For the rest of the night I devoured several short stories and newspaper articles-hoping to perform a literary transplant in my word bank. Luckily the night ended on a good note, since I came across a fabulous short story: “Beginners” by Raymond Carver . If you are ever in need of a good dose of reading-this is great literary medicine. Enjoy!

Brought to you by the letter….. September 9, 2007

As I was listening to my friend place a takeout order over the phone, I paid careful attention to her words as she spelled out her address, clarifying each letter with a “recognizable” word:
53rd and front
apartment 1d
d as in dog

then came the name on her credit card:
sara, yes s, s as in sam
n as in nancy
et… etc….

She did it with such ease and grace… and it made me wonder about the words that come to mind when trying to get the person on the other end of the phone to understand you.

I find it fascinating to hear what words people choose to clarify letters in names and places. What deems a word common enough to be used? Does is have to be a name or could it be a place?

I am very tempted to use a foreign word over the phone one day, just to test cultural knowledge “m as in mariposa” (Spanish for butterfly).

Or maybe I’ll say “s as in supercalifragilis” just to keep them on their toes and have a little fun.

I might even start keeping track of all the words that people use and ask them why they a certain word…and maybe draw some conclusions (the eternal thinker and researcher in me) or at least just to start a conversation.

Pay attention the next time you (or a friend) clarify a letter with a word….it’s interesting

diet apple…really? August 10, 2007

I love apple. I love their products, software, commercials and even their stores. I thought I loved everything about them…until I saw this ad online. I was shocked when I read the line “You can’t be too thin” to promote the new iMac.

In this day and age–with women’s body images constantly in the spotlight, having a highly respected company say, “you can’t be too thin” is a bad move. This company has an intelligent and witty voice that has just been tainted by this line. They didn’t need to go there.

I understand–they’re making a pun about the computer. However, apple is an influential company that is too progressive to say something like that. I would expect that from a PC (ok I needed some levity within my rant).

I guess I may seem to be overreacting since I am so close to writing–specifically for advertising. I guess I just expected them not to go there. And maybe it’s the fact that they said “you can’t be to thin,” creating an unattainable goal.

Now I’m not going to convert to PC–I still love my Mac—I was just surprised. I expect more of you apple. Just don’t send another bruised headline my way (okay I needed another pun).